So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
