Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Terrible idea I love it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
