I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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