Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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