Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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