theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
