wrigley field is MILF paradise
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
