If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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