wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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