tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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