I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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