I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
