fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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