Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
