He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
