the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
