Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
