Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize