apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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