Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
