Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
