Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
