i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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