Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
