And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
