Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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