pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
