I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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