im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
