but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize