dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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