That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
