even my farts smell like vagina
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
