Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
