i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
