Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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