Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
