I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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