im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
