Where is the hickey?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
