I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
