i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We are two peas in an std pod
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
