You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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