Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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