so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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