We won't sleep together?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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