no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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