you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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