she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
