Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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