I just pynch a tree in the face
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
