I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
