FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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