Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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