About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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