I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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