He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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