guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
