Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
