I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
