i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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