sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
