i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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