My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
