Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can you bring me the toilet please
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
