well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
