shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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