Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
