My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
